Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Old noises

You'd think I use my iPod on my eliptical machine because I enjoy the rhythm and pace the music lets me go at. Wrong. I'm 43 and out of shape. I get my iPod because it is extremely disheartening to hear my knees crack as they move. And it's not a slight noise either. It's a noise so loud that were someone to walk in the room while my knees were making their noise, I would have to say that my immediate reaction would be to loudly cough over them to disguise the noise.

But I must continue the charade. Exercise to feel good, eat to feel better, and look in the mirror after a shower NEVER!! Who ever invented the full length bathroom mirror should have his nuts ripped off. I look like the bizarre offspring of an elderly Ryan Oneil and a manatee.

I just can't get into the diet thing again. If I had to give some reasons it would be that diets lack taste, they're too complicated, and pizza just plain f**kin' rules! I mean COME ON!! Pizza is a relentless bitch godess that haunts me and calls my name. "Ray....I'm so cheesey,..you'll erase all I've done to you with that jowl work you keep threatening your wife you're gonna get anyway! Go for it!".

So my knees will continue their symphony of age and lethargy. After all, I am a man. And by nature we all assume...few pushups.....the occasional jog, hey....i'm not so bad!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

May 17th

Lost you two years ago today Barbie..........I miss you.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Got any CD's?

A noun
1 procrastinator, postponer, cunctator
someone who postpones work (especially out of laziness or habitual carelessness) OR...my daughter at naptime.

The lengths at which my daughter will go to fib to defer the inevitabe, a nap, if it wasn't directed at me would be quite impressive. She is quite relentless. It is no coincidence that the only time she's spot on about telling us she needs to go to the potty is when she's lying in bed being put down for a nap. Then the snowjob starts. "I have to go tinkle". Then it's decision time for us. DON'T put her on and we may miss a chance to reiforce the potty, she really might have to go. But 99.999% of the time, she's playing us. The potty is just one thing she knows we'll drop everything for. I'm waiting for her to one day shout "LET'S PLAY PICTIONARY!" or "I HAVE THE NEW SEASON OF ENTOURAGE!!....I wanna see what happens to that douche-bag Vince!". ANYTHING to get out of a nap.

This is where, as God as my witness, I just don't get kids. I would snitch on a close freind, kick over an elderly person, anything you ask me to do if it would get me 15-20 minutes of good uninterrupted sleep. It's almost a given that if I need a nap on the weekend and I am counting on my daughter to nap at the same time, the majority of those times I'll get like 5 minutes before she decides she's had enough. I'd like to expound more on this but it's late...........and I could use a nap!