Friday, May 14, 2010

Poor Frack,...we hardly knew ye

"Ah, honey? I think this fish is dead". After a goldfish that lasted less than 24 hours in my care, we decided to move on to a more hearty fish, guppies. Prior to that point I heard the word "guppies" and thought one of two things......bait and or pond dweller. That's where I assumed they came from. I thought of guppies as a fish that needed minnows in the world to feel good about themselves. "Sure I'm a guppy, least I'm not a minnow".

As it turns out, guppies are pretty nice looking fish and I almost can't see them on the end of a hook to lure a BIGGER fish....ah, to my fishing hook. I bought two guppies (we named them Frick and Frack) for my daughter to see and admire. As all child pet stories end, your's truely ended up doing all the care. Poor Frack, he might have faired better had the 4 year old taken interest.

ANYWHO.......they lasted the day...then more days.......then weeks. It seemed as if I had found my nitch fish, the guppy. I enjoyed seeing them come up to the top to feed. Even if they did feed like finicky toddlers and just nibble a flake or two letting the bulk of it fall to the pebbles below.

So one thing happened that may or may not have contributed to poor Frack's demise. The filter in the tank consists of a square fabric like ...ah, filter...that has charcoal in it and rests on a ledge on top of the tank. A pump below pulls water up and just spills it over the filter to get....filtered (need another word....fancied up??) and sent back below. Well lately the filter has been saturated and not all of it makes it out fancied up. Some of it escapes over a spillover area to the left of the filter.

I don't know if water quality contributed to the demise of Frack or the constant stream of water that came out stronger than from the filter. They seemed to be wary of it and huddled in the corner away from the filter. One day I saw Frack sort of swimming on his side. At that point I thought he'd gone and got the net. But as soon as I touched him....BOOOM, he was off. I don't blame him. If someone showed up to cart me off because I was just asleep.....I would have jumped up too.

This time, Frack clearly was gone. He was floating belly up (hey!! Is that where that phrase came from?). My wife said "He's probably just sleeping". Belly up??

So I get the net and have to make a small current to make him float out from under the filter so I can get him. This all made me wonder how Frick felt, now he has the tank all to himself. He seemed happier..if that's possible. "Thank GOD!! HE's gone.....yak yak yak yak yak......dude never shut up!". We're going to end up getting him some companionship soon. I may have to go to a different pet store soon before they start putting my picture up with a big sign "FISH KILLER".

Friday, May 7, 2010

Yes, I'm a d*ck

SWEAR TO GOD this happened;

"Hello, is Ray there?".
"This is him".
"Oh hello Mr. Cavender,....this is Connor Vern from the DNC".
"What?!? Oh your name is NOT Connor Vern".
"Sorry? Ah..yes...yes it is. It's Scottish".
"Scottish? Sounds like a porn name".
"Okay,..well, we're calling because the Republican smear campaign is in full swing. Operation Code Red. And we're counting on people like you to help fight. Most of our donors are giving upwards of $100, can we count on you?".
"Well...CONNOR Vern....if that IS your name, I'm actually registered as an Independent I'm afraid I'll be giving my money to someone a little more independent minded".

Actually....I don't really give a shit who's running. But a hundred bucks?!?! Please!

Saturday, May 1, 2010


There's a new study out by Professor Chris Idzikowski from the Sleep Assessment and Advisory Service that says how you sleep determines your personality. For example, those who sleep in the fetal position are sensitive but still with a tough exterior. Those who sleep on theri backs are said to be reserved, quiet, and keep high standards for themselves. Alas, the article was incomplete. I guess I'll have to keep wondering about myself as I fall aslseep on the carpet in front of the TV passed out from a sugar high of Coke and Cheerios.