If they make themselves available....they're asking for it

Right now as I sit here I am nervous about our future. Even more so with Spendy McHealthcare in the White House. Because you have a large mountain of nutjobs out there who, rather than help you or me out, just want to show Obama they have a bigger dick than him. Face it, that's reality. So come Tuesday, we're gonna usher in one hum-dinger of a pissing contest and you and me are the ones that are gonna get wet.

ANYWHO...the commercials were getting just downright mean and nasty but the phone calls really pissed me off. I started to think, do these nitwits know I hung up on them? Is there a way they can tell that I cut them off right after I heard the sales pitch start?

THERE IS!! And thank YOU Google for again helping me find the answer. And thanks to this nudniks for helping me out by providing the online chat function. SO really, it's their fault (not mine) that I had to be a dick. Observe what happens when I ask the rep if they can show if a message was heard in it's entirety or if someone (me) hung up.

What aisle are the chains in......

"Miracle Whip...Miracle Whip...". I repeated this to myself over and over again as I had the most MONUMENTAL of brain farts. Where is it in the store? See, I don't use it so there's no familiarity there but I have heard of it and seen it, .....where? My wife asked me to pick it up. As I strolled down the dairy aisle I see several "whips". I see Ready Whip and Cool Whip.....in an ordered and well meaning society, shouldn't ALL the "whips" be together?

"Okay I give up, where is it?" I ask my wife on the cell phone. "In the condiment aisle...near the dressings". Sure enough, there it was.

When I become President, I pledge a uniform and orderly grocery store with aisles like "round things" and "stuff you eat when there's nothing around to make a sandwich with" and "stuff I eat when there's a game on" and the ever popular "frozen crap that's NOT ice cream". Finally, a grocery store with not a HINT of a man on a cell phone begging for help from his wife.

Is it just me

Am I the only one grossed out by the Jimmy Johnson Extenze ads? The one where the girl goes "Jimmy, do you really use it?". "Yes, I really do!".

If I was there I'd have both fingers in my ears going "Grandpa!! Shut up!!! La la la la la....i'm not LISTENING!".